October 1, 2013

Running On Empty

Seriously. I don't know what's overcome me. I can't stand; I mean STAND the local shopping mall. I hadn't been in over a month; but the banks are there; so when banking business pops up - I gotta go.

From the minute I walked in the mall, I noticed my strides become wider and faster; my head down (just didn't want to look at anyone); walked to the photo station in Big W; needed to 'waste' 20 mins till my photos were ready and in that time I was 'lost'. Normally I don't have a problem strolling casually through the aisles; but today - today was different. I felt like a fool. I had absolutely no mission, no business, no desire to be surrounded by plastic, by loads of chocolate; by tonnes of clothes made in Bangladesh or China. By unfriendly people with stressed faces pushing trolley load fulls almost knocking me over with glares as if to say 'get outta my way fool'.

Thank goodness the photos were ready. Off I stride to the banks. Phew - running on empty I was relieved to see no people in line.

You rude bank teller. Why do you always treat me like I'm about to rip off my aunt's measly savings?

I should explain I'm my aunt's financial manager as appointed by the NSW Trustee and Guardianship. She's been in a nursing home for more than four years with a stroke that's left her totally incapacitated and living in 24/7 high dependent care.  Poor thing. It's awful. As her next of kin, albeit living in another state, I elected to take on all her affairs and I swore on oath to do everything in her best interest.

I hold my hand on my heart and say 'I sure have' - even dipped into my own pocket on numerous occasion to cover expenses. I choose to. I don't want your thanks. Just helping whenever I can. So when I present my authority papers, my license, her deeming account statement (I know the drill), why do your shackles go up and I stand there feeling like a crook about to raid some poor helpless little old lady's money. Your tone rises a few notches so that people behind can hear you say quite emphatically while you shake your head 'NO. We do NOT keep Power of Eternity info on our computers'.

Here we go again. Usually it's -

  • her account is in NSW! Stay here please while we call the branch.
  • are these papers the real document?? Stay here please while we call the department.
  • who are you? what is this? I've never seen such a document. What's a financial manager - you mean Power of Eternity don't you? (Actually no I don't). Stay here please (presumably you've gone to call the police or security!!!)

All my stuff is on their stupid computer; I'm a signatory to everything; but no; they have to do a song and dance before checking the computer. Making assumptions. Wasting my time. Again. And the time of people who are waiting in line. You're lucky man. I could've embarrassed you. Sometimes tellers apologize for the delay. You didn't. I suppose that you quietly (tone considerably dropped a few notches) ate 'humble pie' after doing all your background checking on this potential crim standing before you, says it all. Your disingenuous "have a good day" almost tipped me over the edge.

I figure I'm here. I'll go to Myers - check out the specials. Walking past the 'Review' brand I almost broke down and cried. My beautiful child is in Norway - last time I was in this very spot, she was trying on a couple of Review dresses. This brand was made for my Nicka. She looks beautiful - every single time. So sucked in Mama buys her another one - having a dozen or so already just isn't enough. I miss her. I miss you my little Boo Boo.

Having no purpose here, I decide to check out the kitchen gadgets. Nice looking muffin tray. The car park can't come soon enough.  Walking there, I can't believe how many people are overweight. My god. All these young girls - carrying waaaayyyyy too much. It's frightening. Isn't this generation going to look after my lot in our old age!  Ohh- too depressing.

Looking forward to a coffee and my fresh bread roll when I get home. So unlike me to not have a cappucino - as a daughter to migrants, I've been having cappucino's in town since I can remember. I'm just not myself.

Getting home I'm greeted with a surprise - my ridiculously busy Hubby is home. Just like in the old days - he's in the garage. Putting on the new rego plates. 'Wanna spin' - finally I take a deep breath and smile. Okay - but I'm starved - gimme 5 mins.

An hour ago I was hating my time in the shopping mall, feeling like a criminal, teary in Myers and saddened by overweight souls.

Hubby toots. I negotiate my way into the passenger seat. Wrapping my scarf over my head, I feel okay. Not numb like before, not exactly happy, but free and with total trust in my man, we zoom up the highway.

**** the shopping mall.


  1. I think many people would be nodding their head on reading your description of generic shopping malls. It's a souless experience that always takes from me but never, ever gives back. Bugger the bank teller Mariana, and hooray for lovely husbands. I'll bet you made countless kids in back seats happy just driving past them on the highway in your little yellow car.

    (ps. chocolate cake is deemed a winner by all that ate it. I have to make another, to tweak where I went a little wrong but a definite pleaser dear lady.)

    1. Ahh - thanks dear for validating my shopping mall mini meltdown. I've noticed my growing aversion to them but this was overwhelming. Hoping it's because it was school hols and kids everywhere - but - I'm looking for excuses I think.

      Brydie - I think it was more big kids in the front seat who grabbed our attention - frankly I didn't want any at all. Just wanted to feel free.

      Oh no - you went wrong? Alas! Do tell, tell, tell.......cos I wanna help, help, help. Mariana xx

  2. I read your post yesterday and woke up thinking of you, I hope you are feeling better today, don't let that nasty little man upset your day. I'm glad I live far from those shopping centres!!
    Warm regards, Jan


    1. Thanks Jan for thinking of me - much better today. Seems I always need to 'prepare' myself going to my aunt's bank - fills me with dread every time as I'm viewed with suspicion. Just trying to do the right thing and after four years I'm frankly over it.

      Far from shopping centres - sounds pure bliss to me.

      Warm regards back

  3. We live so close to the shops. with a long term dream of buying a farm. I hate the shops, yesterday I had an hour to waste while my sister took my son to the movies. wow I to was thinking the same thing overweight children and young children. walking in to movies with popcorn boxes the size of them and not to share one family had three kids with a large coke and large popcorn each. no wonder the kids have so many health problems. the worst thing I have every seen was a child maybe four trying to get into one of those ride on cars. he couldn't make it on to the ride. poor child. After two hours of walking around I was ready to head home. I avoid shops if I can. and food shopping I do as soon as they open less people.

    1. Thanks for sharing Anon. Hmm - that's really sad about the child not being able to make it onto the ride. Holey dooley. So disturbing isn't it. The health problems in this country are only going to skyrocket; it's a worry.

      Food shopping nice and early; very good idea. Hope you get that farm one day - as farm owners I can't tell you how wonderfully invigorating it is. Hard work tho. Have a good day. Mariana